Man, this schlep really sucks. I'm so fried I could just lay down. All I wanna do is drink some juice and stare at the ceiling for days. But first, gotta upload a few Shrek memes to celebrate the struggle. Life is a real journey, man.

The climb up the corporate ladder is merely a trek towards Shrek's swamp

Sure, they tell you it's all about hunger, about climbing to the top and commanding your little kingdom. They paint a picture of success, but let me tell you, that shiny penthouse suite with its panoramic view? It's just another lonely tower in Shrek's swamp.

You're going to long hours, power lunches that go nowhere, and a never-ending parade of backstabbing colleagues. Your dreams? They'll get swallowed up in the mire like another unfortunate tourist who wandered into this wretched swamp.

• And don't even get me started on the dress code. You think your power attire will impress anyone down here?
• Trust me, you'll be wishing for a good pair of wellies

If ever you think about climbing that ladder, pause and ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Or am I just trapped by the system, only to end up like every other lost soul in Shrek's swamp?

Heading: "Important Meeting" - My Inner Self: "Like an Onion, Shrek."

You know that feeling when your manager sends out an email with/about/regarding a meeting and the subject line just screams "urgency/importance/significance"? Yeah, well, my soul is currently experiencing something akin to a fictional onion. Layered with anxiety/dread/a healthy dose of WTF, each layer reveals/hides/uncovers another questionable/confusing/intriguing detail about the meeting's purpose.

Is it a performance review? A team-building exercise/activity/nightmare? Or, perhaps, the unveiling of a revolutionary/disastrous/slightly off-brand new company initiative? Honestly, at this more info point, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a meeting about how to best prepare for/survive/celebrate an alien invasion.

• I crave coffee. Like, a metric ton of coffee.
• Let me just pretend to be busy with something else.
• Can I survive this meeting without losing my mind?

This Spreadsheet Could Be Done Faster With Superhuman Might

Look, this spreadsheet is a real pain. I'm drowning in data and formulas, my brain is fried, and the deadline is looming like a hungry goblin. It would just need some serious muscle to get this thing done. I'm talking about the kind of power that only an ogre. This ain't a job for your average office worker, this is heavy lifting material.

• Maybe I should call a legion of trolls?
• This document demands a supercomputer
• I'm about to require extra hours

Weekend? Nah, I'm Just Going Back to My Layer Cake of Papers

The idea of leisure this weekend is just ridiculous. My desk is currently a mountain of documents, each one demanding my focus. Honestly, I'm more thrilled about tackling this tower of tasks than I am about binging some Netflix. Maybe a weekend binge of caffeine and sorting is more my speed.

The Grind Makes Me Feel Like a Mule in the Office Jungle

I'm stuck in this office monster. Every day feels like I'm trundling along, just another cog in the stable. I'm burned out from carrying this weight day after day. I fantasize about breaking free.

• Maybe I'll become a farmer and actually be around animals that enjoy their work.
• {Or maybe I'll start my own business and finally discover myself.
• {Whatever it is, I know I can't stay here forever.{ It's just not sustainable.